The Birds and Bees
by Yokomi
Summary: "Sensei?" Minato took a large sip of his coffee as he hummed in acknowledgement, "Where do babies come from?" Just as easily as he took the sip, the dark liquid shot out. He really should stop eating and drinking when Kakashi had questions.


**Author's Notes: Hi everyone! I don't know if this had been done before… but if it had… I wish you enjoy it either way!**

 **Disclaimer: I OWN NOTHING!**

 _ **The Birds and Bees**_

Minato slowly sipped his coffee as he read the newspaper, well aware of the narrowed stare of a certain student of his. He tried to remain as calm as possible when the Chuunin held his gaze for five straight minutes. He could tell that the boy had a question, which according to the kid himself was very troubling and important. Thus, he waited for it to come.

"Good morning, dattebane!" the redheaded kunoichi chirped loudly, breaking the silence that had fell between sensei and student, then kissed her soon-to-be-husband on the forehead, "What's with the hard stare, dattebane?" she questioned as she flicked his pupil's forehead with her pointer before chuckling at his annoyed expression and starting to prepare her breakfast… which was ramen, of course. Minato refrained from reprimanding his fiancée and focused on his newspaper instead, muttering a 'good morning' back. Kushina sat at the only vacant seat on the table and dug in her ramen. That's when his silver-haired student finally sighed.

"Sensei?" Minato coolly took a sip of his coffee as he hummed in acknowledgement. The seven-year-old seemed to be fidgeting, which was odd within itself and should have set off alarms in Minato's head… yet Minato took another large sip of the black liquid, "Where do babies come from?" And just like that, the dark, bitter liquid was sprayed all over the table as the teacher spat it out. Kushina laughed out loud while pointing at his coffee-covered shirt and Kakashi's coffee-covered masked face. The student grimaced in disgust before jumping out of his chair and getting a towel to rub at his face. Minato watched his too small student jump back up the chair and give him a look, "Well?"

"They come from the mommy's tummy, dattebane!" the redhead exclaimed proudly, but Kakashi was not satisfied.

"I already know that," he said exasperatedly with a roll of his eyes, "But there's no way they just pop there out of nowhere… so how do they get there?" he flashed them both a very curious look. Minato blushed a deep red while Kushina thought of an answer.

"Well…" she started, "When two people love each other very much…" Minato's eyebrow rose, was she really going to explain the whole thing to a pure seven-year-old soul? "The daddy gives the mommy a seed… and they both go to a secret garden one day to plant it," Kushina continued and the blond almost sighed in relief, "The secret garden, then, transfers the planted seed to the mommy's tummy where it will grow and become a baby nine months later," Kushina nodded as if to convince the boy of her explanation.

"Oh…" Kakashi mumbled as he scratched his chin, "Really?" he asked while looking at his sensei.

"Ah! You think I would lie to you, dattebane?!" Kushina yelled but Kakashi did not give her any of his attention. Minato nodded deeply, hoping his student would believe Kushina's hastily cooked-up story. The couple watched the Chuunin's still-thinking expression. When he nodded, the two were barely able to contain their gleeful whoop. Their happy expressions turned puzzled, however, when the boy jumped out of his seat and headed for the door with a quick 'See you later,' The two shared a questioning glance before shrugging and returning to their respective schedules.

* * *

Kakashi pursed his lips as he walked through the market place. He was a Chuunin on a self-imposed mission. He just had to find one specific shop. _There it is!_ He thought as he spotted his target. His walk hurried into a jog as he neared the place. The bells on the door jingled as he entered.

"Hello and welcome to the Yamanaka Flower Shop!" the clerk immediately greeted, she glanced down at the kid, "How can I help you?"

"Can you show me where the seeds are?" the clerk nodded as she showed him to their location. Kakashi scratched his head as he read the names of the flowers and plants. _Turnip Seeds, Blue Rose Seeds, Lily Seeds, Eggplant Seeds…_ It was weird. He couldn't find _Baby Seeds_ (preferably _Baby Boy Seeds_ )anywhere. He scratched his head again in confusion.

"Are you looking for something specific?" the clerk asked after a while.

"Don't you have _Baby Seeds_?" he questioned as he searched the shelves again. He wasn't looking at the clerk, so he didn't see her trying to stifle her laughter.

"Babies don't come from normal seeds, kid," the clerk said when she got her giggles under control.

"They don't?" Kakashi's eyebrows drew closer together as he thought about this new information. A boom of a laugh shook him out of his thoughts.

"You really make me laugh, brat!" a very familiar voice sounded as its owner approached the Chuunin, "Who told you that babies come from seeds, huh?" the white-haired man questioned while his hand ruffled the small boy's hair.

"Kushina-san and Minato-sensei told me so, Jiraiya-san," Kakashi answered in annoyance.

"Well, they're wrong, kid," Jiraiya said with another chuckle. Kakashi looked at him incredulously. There was no way both Kushina-san _and_ Minato-sensei were wrong… right?

"How about a deal, kid?" Jiraiya offered as he again ruffled the kid's silver strands, "You help me with a few things… and I'll tell you _exactly_ where babies come from… deal?" In hopes of gaining knowledge, Kakashi nodded eagerly. The two shook hands, Jiraiya's much bigger ones engulfing the boy's too tiny hands.

"Alright, first off, help me find a rose Tsunade would like," Jiraiya ordered. Kakashi pursed his lips as he recalled the blonde woman. The constantly angry, fiery tempered beauty never crossed him as the type of woman that would like any type of flowers. A deal was a deal, though, and he started looking for something he thought would be nice for the young-looking blonde. After a few minutes of searching and finding nothing, Kakashi let out a deep sigh. He really wanted to know where babies came from… but this was taking way too long. Thus, he sought out the Sannin.

"Jiraiya-san?" he called when he closed in on the man.

"Did you find anything good, brat?" The Toad Sage immediately asked. Kakashi shook his head.

"I got an idea, though," Kakashi said, "Why don't you bring her all colors of roses? She's bound to like any one of them," he said. Jiraiya thought for a while.

"I like it!" he chuckled after a while, "Good idea, brat," After the Sannin had paid for the bouquet, the two set out.

"Alright, I'll get this to Tsunade. Then, I have something else for you to help me with," Jiraiya said as he headed to Tsunade's favorite bar.

* * *

Minato didn't know what was wrong with him today. His mind kept wandering to the conversation they had with Kakashi earlier that morning… and he couldn't help but feel that, somehow, something bad was going to happen. He wasn't sure that a seven-year-old finding out about the birds and bees was such a bad thing… he was going to find out sooner or later.

That was when he remembered. Jiraiya-sensei was in the village. If Kakashi bumped into him and asked him the same question he asked that morning… he was going to find out more than he bargained for. Needless to say, Jiraiya would find some way to turn the kid into a mini-Toad Sage. And considering the almost identical hair color… he would look like him as well. One perverted Sannin was enough. His precious student will not become like his sensei… no matter what. With that thought in mind and determination pumping through his body, Minato set out.

* * *

Kakashi jumped from his perch by the bar door as the wall he had been standing against a second ago was pulverized.

"You pervert!" he heard a woman, Tsunade's voice if he remembered correctly, shout from the inside. He approached the groaning lump and tapped him lightly with his foot.

"Well… she liked the roses," Jiraiya said with a smile. Kakashi shook his head. Why would anyone want to chase a woman who always beat him up and sent him through walls? It was a mystery he would never figure out, "Are you ready for the next mission, brat?" Kakashi hesitated but nodded, "For this one, you're going to have to lose the mask," Jiraiya informed. Kakashi narrowed his eyes at the older man, "Hey! A deal's a deal," Kakashi weighed his options. He either kept the mask and didn't get an answer for his question or he removed the mask and satisfied his curiosity. He let out a huge breath as he slowly slid the mask down his face.

"Great, act cute," Jiraiya ordered with a huge grin. Kakashi looked at his retreating back with wide eyes before he trailed behind slowly. Jiraiya led the boy to a coffee shop. Almost immediately, girls of all ages surrounded the duo. Kakashi tuned Jiraiya's and the girls' laughs and willed himself to stay patient… it would all end soon. He ignored the girls as they pinched his cheeks and their exaggerated exclamations of how cute he was.

Later, Jiraiya was finally satisfied. The two headed out to the park and sat down on one of the many benches.

"Alright, brat, you earned this. Do not interrupt me with any questions. If you have anything to ask… go to your sensei," Jiraiya stated with a chuckle, "So here's what happens… when a mommy and daddy really love each other…" The Toad Sage started his explanation. Half way through the explanation, the Yellow Flash appeared. He gave his teacher a disbelieving look before ignoring the Hatake's protests as he hauled him over his shoulder and headed home.

"Forget whatever Jiraiya-sensei told you," Minato ordered for the umpteenth time. By the time the duo had made it home, it was time for bed.

The next morning, Kakashi's almost fully covered face held that curious sparkle. His eyes twinkled as he again stared at his sensei. Minato munched on a sandwich as he read the newspaper. Kushina, again, greeted them both, kissing her fiancée's forehead and flicking the other's forehead with her pointer. When she finally sat down, Kakashi let out a breath.

"Sensei?" Minato took another bite of his sandwich as he hummed in acknowledgement, "What's a vagina?" Minato spat the bite he took as he coughed.

Kushina laughed. And Kakashi asked again.

 **Author's Notes: I hope everyone enjoyed this family fic! Please leave a review!**


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